While other people have no problem engaging in a verbal exchange with a stranger at the checkout counter or on public transportation, small communications don’t come naturally to other people, especially those who suffer from social anxiety. But even for those who are comfortable in social situations, chatting takes some effort.
Fortunately, there are techniques and methods that can make it easier to start a conversation, such as the “FORD” method.
One of the hardest parts of verbal exchange is finding something to discuss. That’s where the Ford approach comes in. ” “FORD” is an acronym that identifies four near-universal topics you can ask about in verbal exchange situations:
Family
Profession
Leisure
Dreams
Normally, this is where I’d credit the person or people who came up with the FORD method, but I was unable to find anything definitive on the technique’s origins.
Anyway, think of the FORD method as a way to jog your memory when your mind goes blank during a bit of small talk. Keep in mind that it’s a tool, not a formula: You don’t have to work through the categories in any order or hit on all four. In fact, some categories are better suited to some situations more than others, so consider the context before launching into your questions, lest you come across a bit robotic. For instance, if you’re making small talk with strangers in a professional context, it’s usually best to avoid questions that get too personal—like those about their families and relationships. But if you’re attending a holiday dinner with your partner’s family and you know their sister has a daughter, it’s probably fine to ask how she’s doing.
It’s up to you to read the person and situation, but here are some entry-level sample questions for each category to get you started:
“Do you have any siblings?” (If appropriate, you can follow up with questions such as “Are you close to them?” or “What are they like?”or “How do you see them?”).
“How is your [mother, father, aunt, etc. ]?” (As long as you have known them before or the user has commented on them).
“Do you have a circle of relatives in the area?”
“How did you two meet?”
“What do you do?” then one or more of the following follow-ups:
“How long have you been running in this field?”
“How does it work?”
“What did this profession do to you?”
“What’s the component of your job? »
“What do you like to do outside of work?”
“Have you read any books lately?”
“What’s the most productive thing you see on TV lately?”(It can simply be a TV screen or a movie. )
“Do you play sports?”
“Are there any podcasts interested right now?”
“Where did you want to travel?”
“What activity have you sought to try?”
The FORD method will be most useful when you’re in an unstructured situation and want to connect with someone, says Courtney Morgan, a licensed clinical professional counselor (LPCC) and founder of Counseling Unconditionally, a fitness treatment founded in Louisville, Kentucky. practical.
“Essentially, I would think of it as a use of ‘timeout’ for the connection,” he explains. This can be in a professional setting, such as waiting for an assembly to start painting, or in more casual encounters. like walking in the same direction you know or waiting to pick up a takeout order. What’s more, Morgan says FORD’s approach can also prove convenient when you’re looking to gather information.
“It can just be a company you interview with, a school you send your kids to, or a club membership,” he says. “This can be helpful in determining whether an organization aligns with your private values. “
Because FORD’s approach is to ask open-ended questions and listen conscientiously to someone’s answers, Morgan emphasizes that it’s not the most productive option under conditions where you or the other user are in a hurry, have another time limit, or an environment that isn’t conducive to verbal exchange (e. g. , a restaurant full of people). “The user you’re talking to will be less likely to answer your questions and possibly even feel annoyed,” he says.
Dr. Elizabeth Yuko is a bioethicist and Assistant Professor of Ethics at Fordham University. He has written for The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Rolling Stone, CNN and Playboy.